Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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