I wanna passion pit in your ass
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
