Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
