so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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