I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
