She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
