Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
