Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
