sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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