You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
