i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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