never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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