Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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