Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
