just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
