I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
