Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize