we're chasing vodka with high fives
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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