I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
