He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize