im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
