I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize