When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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