Me. At least after what I've been through.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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