I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize