Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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