We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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