I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
