Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
