Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Enjoy the penises
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize