Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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