i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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