I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
