i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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