Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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