my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
