You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
