How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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