Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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