she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize