time to smoke my breakfast
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
