They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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