I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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