I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
