Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
