Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
