i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
