Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
