you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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