dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
