Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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