I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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