So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
