I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
