The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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