i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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