So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
