he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
