Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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