Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
