thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
