why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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