I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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