Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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