no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
