Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
