Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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