Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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