Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
