yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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